Thursday, September 18, 2014

Simulating a Trial Separation

This might sound odd but I just "separated" from my loving husband. We literally implemented a pseudo-separation. We still live in the same home, but we're taking time away from one another. This week he's "on" while I am off. Being "on" means he's in charge of all children and household responsibilities and he cannot count on me for any of it. He's also sleeping on the couch.

I am, on the other hand, enjoying all the freedom and space this arrangement suddenly affords me. I am out of the house most of the day and we're each having to depend solely on ourselves similar to most separated couples, but actually, not the same at all. Next week should be interesting when I finally get the chance to be 100% "on" and he gets a break. 

This all may sound pretty weird and you the reader is likely thinking "why?" Truth is, why not? All relationships go through ups and downs, or worse, life gets pretty mundane. This whole experiment has been about increasing our independence while making us appreciate each other more. We're being reminded of just how much our partner does and how much we love each other, but like most couples, we can often take one another for granted regardless of all the love. 

Truth be told, this is only day 4 (of 14) and after three nights on the couch my honey is laying in bed with me tonight. It's hard to keep us apart. I believe our appreciation and understanding has increased and suddenly the distance actually creates a sense of unity. We've missed each other and I almost feel my husband is making time to court me even after he's been intensely busy manning a household full of children, chores, homework, back-to-school night, kids' schedules and work responsibilities.

This journey has opened our eyes a bit to a few breakthroughs such as the fact that I don't have to always be in control. I can be a control freak constantly thinking of everyone's schedules and our family's operations. I've had to let go a bit and trust that my husband can do it. I don't have to know and do it all and this has been just the thing to reinforce independence leading to interdependence. We don't want to be dependent on one another, but we do care to feel true interdependence. 

In our case, a trial to a trial separation wasn't meant to come from a place of negativity. Nothing has to dramatically crumble in a marriage to feel the need to rejuvenate our sense of gratitude and independence. All in all, this was our experiment to break up the monotony of our every day and I must say it appears to be working. Now, hopefully,  I'm NOT the one falling apart this time next week when I'm simulating single-motherhood and taking the reigns all alone.

Would you participate in a psuedo-separation? Why or why not?

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