Friday, May 9, 2014

My Mother's Day Confession...

This Mother's Day I expect gifts and lots of them! I expect such thoughtful gifts I'm usually disappointed once holidays have come and gone. Let me be clear, I don't need too many gifts, but I expect a thoughtful gift accompanied by a thoughtful surprise. I know, I know... most moms say they don't need much. Most say they've already got their reward in motherhood! In my book, more rewards work for me. Motherhood alone doesn't cut it.  Plus motherhood takes so much out of you that any excuse to take a selfish day to be pampered and recognized is what this momma wants and needs. 

Truth be told, I understand one thing about myself pretty well, I know my love language. We all have different love languages. Love looks and feels differently to all of us. When we understand what love language we crave then we come to share in a more fulfilling and conscious love. HerMamas.com once did a post about Dr. Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages." Pop Quiz regular HerMamas.com readers: can you name the five languages without reading further?

1. Words of Affirmation 2. Quality Time 3. Gifts 4. Physical Touch and 5. Acts of Service. 

I've always known my love language is Quality Time. If my husband spends quality time with me then that's when I feel most loved. It's my personal love language and my source of fulfillment. His love language is Acts of Service. A nice home-cooked meal goes a long way for that man. 

But then the holidays roll around and I realize my love language is a COMBO of sorts. I expect my usual dose of quality time mixed with a whole lot of thoughtful gift giving. It may sound selfish to confess that, but here's the back, back story... 

In Dr. Harville Hendrix' relationship book "Getting the Love that You Want" he discusses in great detail how the love we experience as adults is tied to our childhood and the love (or lack of love) shared between parent(s) and child(ren). So many of the book's main whole concepts resonated with me. I was able to look back on my childhood and understand that there were two defining constants. Firstly, a lack of quality time, and secondly, a huge emphasis on sharing love and big gifts over the holidays. In fact, holidays were a day to pause the usual lack of quality time and give both time and gifts to who ever was being celebrated. As the youngest of 6, I understood that pausing for holidays and giving gifts was key to being noticed and feeling love. 

As an adult I am aware, without meaning to be selfish, I crave quality time and I expect gifts. I expect what was woven into my being as a child: a desire for quality time which I lacked and to feel loved through gifts which was standard. Luckily, this need is only usually during the holidays, otherwise, my hubby would be truly BROKE.

Would you like to share a Mother's Day confession, too? Comment below!

On another note: to all the momma's, moms-to-be, and non-moms we wish you a very Happy Mother's Day shared with the ones you love, full of expressions of your love language!

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