Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Keeping It Real: What If We Screw This All Up?

If there's one thing I know about myself it's that I'm a chronic builder. I build upon any and everything... myself, my career, my marriage, my children. To me, there's alwayyyys room for improvement. Always improving sometimes keeps me from appreciating all the growth thus far. I'm constantly on to the next level.

This has to drive my husband crazy. He's kind about it, but imagine being married to someone who thinks everything could be better, even better, then even better than that. For instance, our house is never clean enough. Something so minor, but a constant reality. Our savings are never large enough.   On this "never enough" roller-coaster we remain.

It probably doesn't help that my husband and I have something very unique in common: we're both BIG planners! We set goals, make lists, draft graphs, study results and so on and so forth. My fear is that I'll get caught up in all the planning that I don't get to the doing, or simply, the LIVING! It's what John Lennon sweetly reminded his "Beautiful Boy" of...
Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. 

Whatever happens to me while making all these plans will hopefully be everything I've ever dreamed, but what if it's not? Can you relate? Is there an area in your life you fear you'll fall short in and just not "be enough"?

For me this area is parenting. I've read the books and the blogs. I've attended the classes, conferred with my co-parent and all else. But what if I don't make it as a mother? What if our kids become crackheads, strippers, criminals or any combination of the aforementioned? Okay, that's a big stretch, but honestly I can't be the only parent that doubts their abilities or plan of action. True story... me, the sometimes referred to "mommy blogger" is afraid to screw this parenting thing all up!

I work to be the best mom possible. I strive to constantly grow in areas I find to be short-comings yet I still fear not making it. Could it just be the builder in me unable to be happy with where I am as a mother? My fear has diminished through the years, sure; but, it's still very present. 

Just today I got the second email in one month from my grade schooler's teacher about his recent behaviors. He was fighting with classmates a few weeks back and today he wasn't following rules on a field trip. He and I had a good talk about this afterschool and I felt he was attentive, regretful and clear that rules (especially safety rules on field trips) must be followed. However,  doubt always creeps in during the aftermath of these talks. I hope I make the right call when I lecture. I hope the loss of iPad use and other privileges really brings the point home and I hope my child is learning about respect and boundaries as I do my best to guide him. 

Screwing up as a parent is my ultimate insecurity. I want the very best for my children. I want to be enough! I hope to look back having made it to the parental promise land, but what if I don't?

We all have insecurities! 

What are yours? 

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Make sure to check back as we wrap "Keeping It Real: A Weeklong Series" with ALL guest posts!
Thank you to everyone who submitted guest posts! 

3 comments:

  1. Wow! Let go of the fear girl! You love your kids and they love you!

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    1. So true hermana, so true! I'll need to call you after I reprimand them and feel all guilty!

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    2. Guilt is natural, just know that what you are doing the best you can. I used to feel guilty as a teacher with discipline...but it's all apart of the game. If you don't give them boundaries, they know they can use you, manipulate you, and fool you. Erase that guilt with knowing that you are the mom and you know best!

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