Monday, February 24, 2014

Avoiding Intimacy


Ha! The hubby sent me this photo recently and I was completely tickled. We do spend a lot of time buried in our phones laying next to each other. Whether it's social media, email or the latest Netflix binge, if we're not careful, phone usage can become a barrier to intimacy.

Not all couples intentionally avoid intimacy but there are many who unconsciously find themselves "busy" with time wasters ultimately keeping an intimate connection at bay. 

A few years ago when my husband and I read Getting the Love You Want we became very aware of a long list of intimacy "avoiders":

- TV
- Internet Surfing 
- Addictions (drugs, porn, shopping, alcohol)
- Workholic Tendacies
- Video Games
- Excessive Childrearing Demands
- Fighting/Quarrels

... and so much more. 

The list was plentiful and it really got us thinking about all the times we've avoided intimacy by "busying" ourselves with tasks instead of connecting. This isn't to say couples can't spend time surfing the web, watching TV or browsing their smart phones, but if this takes the place of valuable time that couples could instead dialogue & simply be with each other, there could be a fundamental issue that derails couples from achieving true intimacy and connection.

A quick way to counter intimacy avoidance is by etching out time everyday to connect free of distractions, finding ways to be in-service to each other (i.e. cook together), or by setting weekly dates that do not include intimacy avoiding activities (i.e. watching a movie or double dates). Instead have intimacy-building date nights and have them often.

It's no mystery great relationships take work! None is without issues, but a great place to improve upon communication and bond-building is to analyze the intimacy avoidance tendencies in your relationship. Couples must work together to ensure these don't outweigh moments of intimacy and connection.

Have you experienced intimacy avoidance in your past or present relationship(s)? 

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