Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Finding Brightness Amidst the Dark Clouds of Post-Divorce Life - Guest Post by Howard Iken

It has been said that a divorce is akin to having a death in the family. There is loss, sadness, and grief.  That saying is absolutely true.  Divorce is difficult and for many people represents one of the biggest crises in their life. But there is a silver lining to divorce.  For most people, once they are done, divorce represents the end of one life and the start of an exciting new life.  For every death there is life.  And after a successful divorce there can be lots of really good, very exciting life.

After a divorce, the following checklist will help you establish your new life:

1. Develop purpose in your life – Your life cannot be about surviving, earning money, eating, and sleeping. There must be some purpose; something that drives you. And usually that purpose is already there.  You just have to see it and embrace it as part of your life. That purpose can have something to do with career, money, relationships, hobbies, or education. Whatever it is, you have the potential to make it a big part of your life. No one can have a great life in a complete vacuum. And a divorce has the tendency to leave behind nothing but vacuum. So get busy right now to identify what drives you, and what you want your life to include. This is the “game plan” phase and requires a lot of thinking. Get started now!

2. Go to the gym and get healthy – nothing gets those endorphins flowing like exercise. And it certainly cannot hurt your chances of meeting someone new.  You do not need to become an Olympic weightlifter, model, or mountain climber. Just get moving and improve your health. Improved health not only empowers you to withstand stress – it also clears up your mind. Go to the gym if you can. If you cannot, take a long walk every day. Or just park further from the store every time you to out. Think of your post-divorce self as a project and get to work now.

3. Learn a new skill, hobby, or area of knowledge. What are you waiting for? The divorce is over and you have nothing in your way. Time to do whatever you have put off for half your life. You can remake your entire career at any age. You can become anything you want to be. It is never too late.  Investigate schools, recreation centers, community centers, community college, trade schools, or anything that ever interested you. Now is the time to go in one end and emerge as a different, more impressive, happier person. You are not getting any younger, so do it now.

4. Meet a new significant other. This is not the time to go crazy, get married, or even move in with someone. But it is definitely not the time to be lonely. Not an outgoing type of person? Then join an activities club. Along with the age of the Internet came an awareness that millions of other people are out there looking for activity partners. Get your computer out and start looking now. The sooner you start the sooner you will be having fun.

Above all, try to start moving forward in a positive direction. You are not the first person to have a failed marriage and you will not be the last. One hundred years ago people were expected to go to their graves within bad marriages. Things are different now. After all, you only live once. And now is your chance to make your post divorce world special and brighter. Do it now !


Howard Iken is a divorce and custody attorney in Orlando, Florida. He believes in settling cases in an amicable way and then moving on to a positive future.  Mr. Iken can be contacted through his website: http://www.myfloridalaw.com/orlando-divorce-attorney

The views shared by Howard Iken were provided as a guest submission to Hermamas.com. 
These views though insightful are not necessarily shared by the co-creaters and writers of HerMamas.com. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Comment aka Props!