Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Telling My Family I'm Getting a Divorce

Going through a divorce is never easy. But the hardest part for me was telling my family that my husband of 4 years and I were divorcing. My ex-husband and I were married for 4 years. We were young and naive and we really believed that we could make it work despite some major differences in our lifestyles.  It got to a point after about 2 years, where both my ex-husband and I were miserable and yet the idea of telling my family made me stay in a miserable marriage for another 2 years. Coming to that decision to get a divorce was easy, it was explaining it my family that was hard. 

I come from a very large tight-knit family, and despite the large number of married couples there had only been one divorce. I was one of the first of my generation to get married and I felt like I was setting a bad example. The first hurdle was the biggest, telling my parents. In our family we love big and fiercely. Once you become part of the family there is no difference in the love between born-in family and married-in family. Having to tell my parents was the hardest thing ever. I felt like such a failure at some thing that was suppose to be easy. It didn't go well. My parents were sad and upset. My mother even said "It's like there was a death in the family.

It took a while for them to get over the divorce. This transition period was hard for me to get through because I felt like I had messed up our family dynamic. Just because I had 2 years to get use to the idea of the divorce and moving on without my ex-husband, my family was new to the idea of life without their son-in-law, brother-in-law, and uncle. My ex may have been my husband but he was other things to other people in my family. They needed time to adjust. 

At the end of it all my happiness is the most important thing to my family. They didn't love me any less because my marriage failed. We were all able to move on and our family dynamic is better than ever.




2 comments:

  1. Great post. Coming from a LARGE Catholic Mexican family I can see where this would be a difficult situation to be in... I am glad that these days we have this of outlet to allow us to share and help others through this type of situation.

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    1. Thanks for your feedback Connie. I too come from a Catholic Mexican family. I can completely relate to how difficult the topic of divorce is in large families like ours that often stress: divorce is NOT an option.

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