Wednesday, February 20, 2013

To Change or Not To Change Your Last Name

As if there is not enough to stress about when you get married, there is the decision about  if you are or are not going to change your last name. This is a big decision and sometimes the most stressful for the new couple.

I asked a few women in my tribe about this issue:

" It didn't feel right to change my name. It went against my beliefs."

" I like my name. If we get married by church I might change it."

"I am traditional and wanted my whole family to have the same last name"

When my husband and I got engaged, my last name was one of the first things I thought about. I come from a family of all girls, so our last name would stop if my sisters and I all changed our last name. Part of me wanted to keep my last name just to keep it alive. Then I started to think about what our kids last name would be. Would I give them his last name, my last name or hyphenate it? The more I thought about it, hyphenating just seemed like a burden to the kids. Plus I really wanted to have the same last name as my children.

 Then I thought about coming up with a whole new name. We were a new family and I thought a great compromise would be to just come up with a whole new surname. Something where we could use both my last name and my husband's last name. This way our kids could have a little of each family name. Since I am a Gomez and my husband is a Lerma I tried to sell the name Lermez to my husband. He reacted with a blank stare.

In the end, I made the decision to keep with tradition and take my husband's last name. There are some husbands who leave the decision up to the women and who don't have strong feelings either way. For my situation, after discussing it with my husband, he confessed that it was important to him. I took his feelings into real consideration and made the decision to take on Lerma. Although I still think Lermez would have been a cool new name.

Changing your last name is a big decision. 
Leave us a comment and let us know why you did/will or why you didn't/won't change you last name?


  1. I changed my name because it was really important to my husband, whose family is, shall we say, not exactly in tact. But I remain traumatized that I changed it, if I must be honest.

    I think it's a personal decision and whatever works for you should be the path you follow. Since becoming a mom I'm much less judgmental about almost everything!

    1. Deb. I had a friend who changed her name when she got married. A year or so later she was just not comfortable with it. She changed it back. She had to pay over $400 and go to court but to her it was worth it.

  2. I was planning on hyphenating but have been married for 3 years now and I still have my last name. I am happy just the way we are. The only thing I run into is people assume I am a single mother since my son and I do not share the same last name. I teach and will admit I have also assumed incorrectly about some of my students' parents. Although I am happy now I have thought about how much easier it might be if we shared the same name.
    I am Montoya and my husband is Jimenez I had suggested Jimtoya before we got married but my husband did not like the idea :) hehe

    1. So Emse, what are you going to do??? Will you eventually change it?


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