Friday, December 14, 2012

Confessions of a Non Mom - Guest Post by Lisette Rodriguez


When I tell women that I don’t want to have children, the reactions I receive are varied.  Some women are extremely supportive.  Some look at me as though I am an alien creature with a third eyeball.  Some express their sympathy as if I am somehow lost.  Others express confusion, as though it is a choice they had no idea they could make.  The truth is, early on, I didn’t know it was an option for me either.

I spent most of my early adult life living up to the expectations of others: family, friends and society in general.  I came to a point, in my late twenties, that I thought I had it all.  I had an education, a successful career, a husband and I owned a home and a shiny new car.  I did everything I was “supposed” to do and the next logical step was to be a mom.  But something in me held back. 

Lisette visiting Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
My decision was a combination of many factors.  As the child of a single mother I watched my mom struggle to the point of exhaustion and even illness.  As the oldest child in my family I had a tremendous amount of responsibility early on in caring for my younger siblings.  As a young wife, much of what I wanted for myself was put on hold.  And so despite my skill in living up to the expectations of others, having a child was a step I just could not bring myself to take.

Do I have my doubts?  Sure.  At thirty six the finality of my decision wears down on me.  My biological clock is ticking so loud it makes my head hurt.  I wonder if I will ever truly realize my potential as a woman without giving birth to a child.  I wonder if I will ever experience the pure, unconditional, joyous love that I see in the face of mothers when they look at their children. 

Despite all of my doubts, I have above all made the commitment to be true to myself and live only according to my expectations.  I no longer have a husband and I don’t own a home or a shiny new car.  But I must say I’ve never been happier. 
Lisette during a volunteer excursion to Africa!

Lisette Rodriguez is a successful professional who works for a California University. She is a vibrant free spirit, an avid Salsa dancer and traveler. She's dedicated herself to serving others and making our world better! Lisette's commitment to staying true to her wants is truly admirable! Thank you for sharing your story with us, HerMama!



6 comments:

  1. Good for you! I too made the decision not to have kids. Sometimes doubt creeps in about that decision but mostly I am FINE with the way my life is. I do what I want when I want. I am able to pursue my passions and desires without feeling guilt for it. And I get my fill of kids through friends who have them. And believe me, one visit with to a friend with kids and I LOVE my decision not to have any...LOL. I love kids -but I don't need to have any of my own to be a real woman.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your comment Dana. You are so right that you do not have to have kids to be a real woman! Also you are one amazing Auntie!!

      Delete
  2. Absolutely NOTHING wrong with not wanting children.

    I grew up playing house and pretended I were a mother. But as I got older that fantasy began to slowly fade. It wasn't necessarily the responsibilities of being a parent that scared me or whether I questioned if I could be a "good" parent. Don't get me wrong, I would be an AMAZING mother!

    But I think I can be a "parent" in a different way without having my own offspring(s). I can be the unbiased auntie, NOT parent, whom my nieces and nephews can run to for advice, the teacher who can open new horizons to a hungry mind, and/or the mentor who has a gentle heart and patience when a teenager thinks their "life is over."

    And let's not forget... I can give them back at the end of the day! lol
    =D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment Felipina! I am both a Mom and and Aunt and the roles are a bit different but the LOVE for those kids is practically the same! I really love being an Aunt.

      Delete
    2. I realized just how strong my love was for my nieces and nephews once I had my own children and I must say being an AUNTIE rocks, especially when there's a close bond built.

      Delete
  3. I love this! Great insight! Thank you for sharing your story Lisette!

    ReplyDelete

Comment aka Props!