Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Is it possible to keep the romance alive?

I sometimes sit back and think about how I've hit the jackpot, I know the following may sound horrible, but then there are times I want more from my relationship. My husband still opens the car door, he's a total hands on pop and actually washes dirty clothes and mops filthy floors. He's the kind that brings home a random bouquet of flowers or buys me that outrageously expensive gift out of nowhere, but here I am sometimes feeling like the romance is gone.

Believe me, I get how crazy that sounds! Bare with me though. I have three kids and in the last 10 years I've felt pregnant about 80% of the time. I know that doesn't add up, but that's how I feel. Maybe that's because I often feel like I give about 80% of me to the kids! I suppose I miss that intense connection that once came from sharing my life with only ONE soul mate. Today, there's 4 human beings wanting my attention and without intending it, those three gorgeous little kids of mine WIN OUT! I find there's less and less husband and wife time and plenty of time spent talking kids, cleaning up after kids, shopping for kids, bonding with kids, dealing with kids... enjoying the kids. Now, that in itself is a BLESSING! It's all I've ever dreamed of, but that doesn't mean there's balance. And if there's one thing I strive for that's balance. So I ask how do I balance a romantic one-on-one life with my husband, a loving relationship with ME, and a fulfilling mother and child bond with three kids?

Please chime in! 

Is there really a secret to having it all... especially that romantic spontaneous relationship that ignited the relationship of two people who eventually become a mommy and daddy team?

And don't forget commenting below enters you in this week's giveaway ($25 Target gift card up for grabs)!

10 comments:

  1. It's really tough, I'd have to say. We've been married 14 years and have 3 kids. We've NEVER hired a babysitter. I mean, NEVER. We have no relatives in the state. So we haven't had a date in all those years. Shocking, I know! We have "dates" at home by renting movies. I look forward to having more time together as the kids get older.

    mami2jcn at gmail dot com

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    1. I can totally relate about the babysitter. My husband refuses to let us hire one, but we do live by our parents so there's that support for sure. On another note, enjoy your movie nights! A date is a date! And thanks for your comment AND entering our contest! Good luck!

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    2. Hey Mami2jc first off congrats on 14 years! My husband and I are in the same boat in that we don't have any family near us. We have left our girls twice with a babysitter, who was also our oldest daughters kindergarten teacher. My husband and I can't imagine leaving our kids with an almost stranger and since we have a good relationship with her, she is cleared through the state, and my kids knew her well it was a great fit. Now if we can just convince ourselves to go out without the kids once in awhile!

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  2. Luckily, I think this is something that all couples can relate to so there is no feeling like you are the only one! I have 2 little ones and it is a constant struggle for hubby and I to find time. I'm not sure if the secret is having it all simultaneously balanced out at all time but more so enjoying each stage of unbalance for what it is. So not reassuring right?!? But I try to tell myself when hubby and I are trying to snuggle while we watch a movie that our daughters will not always want to be right smack in the middle of us! There will come a day that our daughters will be excitedly getting ready to go out with their own friends and young loves and hubby and I will only have each other! I know that I sigh now with the feeling that it will be forever before we are there but I also know that when I am there I will sigh for the days when my girls were little! That being said, I appreciate whatever I get now...and that is usually a movie night late at night in the coziness of my own sofa when the girls are safely in bed and asleep...not the romance of a young, carefree couple but what I have now I wouldn't trade for anything in the world =)

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    1. That's a good point Summer. I have found that as our lives changes so does my definition of "romance" in my marriage. Then a weekend getaway would qualify, now if my husband puts the laundry away, that is a super romantic gesture!

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    2. Lol! Right? Nothing like the wave of gratitude and appreciation you feel when hubby does something unexpected that makes life easier! Oh yeah, romance definitely changes...thankfully it is something that can constantly change so we will have more opportunities to redefine it.

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  3. This is a tough one! We've really struggled with this as a couple. We too live hundreds of miles away from anyone we call family, have two active boys (6 and 9) who bring us happiness everyday. We also went through a separation a couple years ago for exactly that reason. Not so much the romance but making each other a priority. My kids at the time were young so for me they were my priority and was dead tired when my husband got home from a long day too. We got into a really bad rut. After lots of work on ourselves and each other as a couple we reconciled and have made each other a priority. We are still not perfect!! And I don't think we ever will. A loving marriage takes work and it's something we have to work on ALL the time! Recommended babysitters have made our lives as a couple better!! We also go out during the day when my husband is off and the kids are in school. :-). Making each other a priority and showing affection for each other in front of your children is just as important. Oh and a few years ago we instituted a new rule for our kids.....they are not allowed in our bedroom without knocking and being allowed in! It's our little haven away from them. :-)

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    1. Thanks for sharing Veronica. Ruts are so easy to get into and so hard to get out of. I love that rule of not being allowed in the bedroom. We had a recent "incident" and I think we may need to implement that same rule over at Casa Lerma~

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    2. Thank you for sharing your feedback Veronica. This (and the other comments) remind me I'm not alone in craving more connection, but also it makes me all the more grateful for my loving husband. Btw, we also have an hour to ourselves every Sunday morning. My six year old is in charge of his siblings for one hour and they aren't allowed in our room. That was actually something we were advised to do at a religious retreat, of all places. Anyhow, it's been pretty cool and my oldest loves being IN CHARGE!

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  4. This is a topic that me and my hubby are constantly working on. Its so hard to find time after a hard days work, dinner time, the dreadful homework, bath time, and story time. After all that i just want to crawl into bed! And its even more diffcult because me and my husband work different hours: i work m-f, 9-5 and he works the night shilft wed-sun, 10pm-6am. We try and have date night as often as possible. We are lucky enough to have family that for the most part take us up on our offer. We have even taken the kids to my moms and came home just to watch a movie on the couch! It's definitely a different type of romance but wouldn't change it for the world ;)

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