Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Love At First Sight. Did you immediately fall in love with your child? This Mom didn't.

This is going to sound completely horrible. When my first child was born I did not immediately feel that crazy intense love people told me I would. When they handed me my daughter I had a lot of emotions. I was relieved that labor was over and my baby was healthy. I was confused by all the people talking at me about stitches and placentas. I was worried about getting the feeling back into my lower half. I was exhausted, my labor lasted over 19 hours and I had been awake for almost 24 hours.

The feeling that I most remember when I looked at my daughter for the first time was paralyzing fear. This tiny little human being was my responsibility. All of a sudden someone else's life was on my shoulders and in those first moments with my daughter that was what I was feeling. And I had never been so scared in my life. I had read the books and took the classes but I felt so unprepared for that moment when she looked at me and the reality of motherhood set in.

It took me a day or so to let go of those feelings of fear and when I did I was floored by the feeling of love I had for my daughter. You can't prepare for that rush either. And when my second daughter was born I had been a mother for 5 years and I knew exactly was I was getting into. I knew that I had what it takes to be a good Mom and when I held my second daughter for the first time that intense love was immediate.

What were those first moments as a parent like for you?

5 comments:

  1. I can totally relate. Feelings of fear and numbness overwhelemed my body when my little one was carefully placed into my arms, 3 years ago. It was the 1st night we spent together in the hospital when I knew I was head over heels for her. When my 2nd little one came along 3 months ago, I knew I had the mommy thing down! And I was in love, in a second.

    Mrs.S :)

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    1. Thanks for your comment Mrs. S. and sharing your story. It is so nice to know there are other Moms who went through the same thing.

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  2. My first feelings were those of fear as well...my daughter was born at 28 weeks at 1 1/2 lbs and with numerous complications. I didn't get to see her until 24 hours after she was born! So for that first day of her life all i could think was is she okay, was she going to live, she needs me. I would call her nurse every 10 minutes asking if she would be okay and her nurse would just say, "she's hanging in there." My husband had taken pictures of her but when I saw the pictures I didn't really have a feeling, just "is that my baby?" And I felt bad becuase I felt this way, so its nice to know I wasn't the only one who ever felt this way. But the first time I saw my little 'thumbelina' I was in awe and in love. I didn't think anything negative in that moment. I just knew she was a survivor and that I would be there for her any way I possibly can. And the rush of love really came when I was first able to hold her(she was 2 weeks old). I will never forget how great I felt inside. And now today, almost 5 years later, my little one can still make my heart melt with her beautiful smile :)

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    1. Jackie thanks for sharing your story. Sending hugs to you and "Thumbelina!"

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    2. What a wonderful story of strength from each of you... mommy, daddy and your little princess Thanks for sharing this amazing story with us Jackie!

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